I want everyone to know I have survived

despite thier best efforts I am alive

they thought that I would go away

but I am going to stay

they don't know how I made it this long

long ago they stoped playing my song

and to this day I'm on the run

they don't know how to stop this one

and I will decide when I am done

only I will decide the outcome

I don't put stock in any fate

if you wait for the chance it'll be too late

you have to make it on your own

and I have made it this far alone

I watch them out there watching

I hope they're hopeing I fail

they want to see the ending

they want to see me flail

but only I will decide when I am done

only I will decide the outcome

and days or years from now

if and when I can recall

I know I will remember

this was not the worst of it after all

bleak, yes?

lose my mind

lose my mind

Everything seems to go so wrong

Maybe you were right all along

The choices I've made are slowly killing me

I'm going blind from what I can see

But all in all, it all seems fine

As I lose my mind

Deeper and deeper I sink in

I don't know where it started or where it will end

I try harder and harder to forget

But the harder I try the more it's set

And I'm running in circles and out of time

As I lose my mind

It seems like it wasn't so long ago

When all this didn't bother me so

But as it goes on it just gets worse

My salvation is my curse

And everything I try to get ahead

Only puts me further behind instead

I'm running slowly and walking fast

Try to get away from my past

But every step I take further

Brings me one step back, closer to her

It seems that love can be so unkind

But it seems alright

As I lose my mind

I can't sleep and I can't stay awake

I work harder just to get a break

I try to hide in the everyday

But the mundane is driving me insane

Monday comes and Sunday goes

I'm counting on fingers and counting on toes

I have to borrow other parts too

Counting the days till I have you

I'm starting to think I should be confined

As I lose my mind

I already know what is my cure

All I need is to get over her

But since I know that'll never be

I'll have to convince her to want me

I hope it wont take too long

Because I'm running out of things in this song

The words are getting harder for me to find

As I lose my mind

~Me

I've been drinkin and thinkin about how I'm sinkin into quiet contemplation of my current situation and the constant observation that I get for rantin and raving on these problems of a nature that requires a certain nurture that I've lacked for so long that I think it's all gone.

As I slide deeper in the hole

I just want to let go

And I don't think this is my scene

and I know I'm gonna scream

but I refuse to take it

I know I'm gonna break it

This pain

And I know it isn't right and I can't give up the fight and deep inside my heart is still holding to a part of a past that's come and gone but I know it must belong somewhere in this life that's like a slowly twisting knife and the pain that's driving me insane and I lash out at the inane and as I start to complain about the things I do not have as I'm slowly going mad... and why?

As I slide deeper in the hole

I just want to let go

And I don't think this is my night

and I know I'm not right

but I refuse to take it

I know I'm gonna break it

This chain

So I try to fight it and try to hide it, and those who hold me dear can see it so clear, and this has to end soon and I have to close this wound, that most don't even see, as it eats away at me, and I just cry out her name, but it doesn't feel the same, and I think it's all my fault that I lock up my heart in this vault, and I push so many away, for the things they don't say, and I just need one more chance at a true love romance, but I just don't want to try, cause I always have to lie about this pain

As I slide deeper in the pit

And I'm knee deep in the shit

And I don't think this is fair

and I know I should care

but I refuse to take it

I know I'm gonna break it

This pain

And I know all I really need is someone who can read all the lines across my palm that show the silent trist as they match my scared wrist to the attempt I take to end the repetition of the mistake that brought me to the quite state that has me contemplate my fate over the only one I loved enough to take away the gruff exterior of my heart that seems to come apart at the seems that won't stay stitched as it's pitched deeper in the darkness of this one bed room apartment this hovel and it's walls that echo all my calls and I visibly pale every time I exhale as I pray for forgiveness and for one more moment of bliss to match the time I held her tight and every thing felt right but I just gave up the fight cause I didn't know then what it is I know now and how empty I can feel and how nothing quite seems real in this life alone

As I slide deeper in the hole

I just want you to know

That you're all I ever needed

and I feel so defeated

but I refuse to take it

I know I'm gonna break it

This pain

And in the back of my mind of what's left deep inside in the shell and the rind of the part that makes me rhyme is the image of a girl who takes all this world and who takes all I am in her small and soft hand and touches deep inside to the part I try to hide and she sets aside the bottle and knows how to tell me I'm okay and some day I'll love me just as I love her and every thing is a blur as this woman of my dreams leans in to take a kiss and softly holds my wrist and I know she must be real or this longing I feel would go away and I know someday I'll see her face and I only pray I'll race to her side and stay there for the ride and not try to ignore my heart

As I slide deeper in her eyes

I just want to cry

That you're all I ever need

and I'll fall down to my knees

and I will try to make it

and I will never break it

This love

(Like it, love it, hate it, I don't care I feel a little better.)